My name is Sir Guffaw, treader of dark paths and dangerous tunnels of unknown. This is an account of my journey through the house of a sorcerer who lived 800 years from now:
It all started when I got off my horse to seek for my hoof-pick. I had carelessly stuffed it into my saddlebag and it fell out and was flung under a large rock as I galloped along. Hoof-picks being very necessary to the success of a knight, I stopped and dismounted with much difficulty. If you have ever worn armour you will understand why this was so difficult. I went over to the rock and spent the good part of a minute getting down on my hands and knees and crawling under the overhang. As I reached out my hand to grab the hoof-pick, I lost my balance because of the weight of my armour and plunged headlong into a hitherto unseen pit. When I awoke, I was lying on a smooth rock floor inside a building. On either side were walls of square grey stones about twelve steps apart. It seemed that I was in a house, but because of the way that the light came in the window, I realized that I must be in the basement. As I stared at the ceiling I saw a strange array of metal bars going to and fro and I thought that these must be to keep some very heavy and terrible man or beast from breaking down the floor. After this fear began to grow in my breast.
With difficulty I managed to get to my feet and begin to bumble my way around in the semi-darkness. I thought that there had to be a stair or a door somewhere. As I walked I bumped into something and then with a large crash a heavy object fell onto my foot. It smashed my foot armour and pinched my toe. Looking down I saw it was a heavy steel bar with large metal discs on either end. I began to tremble because I thought this must be the weapon of the terrible warrior who inhabited the house.
To prepare my self to save my life, I drew my sword. As I walked around a large square lump, trying to keep my armour as quiet as possible, I was startled by a roaring noise that suddenly spewed from it. I attacked the gleaming eye of the previous sleeping monster. As my sword slashed through the gleam I was suddenly drenched by a continuous delouge of cold water which went through the slats of my armour and drenched the heavy woolen clothes beneath. Now I was not only clad in heavy armour, but also heavy, soggy clothes.
I found the stairs and may my way up as quickly as I could in my armour and heavy clothes. At the top was a door. I had no way of knowing how to open it, but it was not very strong. I pushed on it firmly and it broke open. Peering quickly out, it seemed to me that the room was empty. As I walked into the room a window low in the wall caught my eye. This window seemed to go into another room and in the window was a man shouting and waving his arms. I walked carefully toward the window so that I could get a better look.
As I went I carefully looked around for any dangers that might come from other parts of the house. Because I was looking around I did not see an object on the floor. The side of my foot stepped on it and slipped off. I almost fell and as I regained my balance, I almost fell again because of shock and fear. The man in the window had looked like he was just mouthing words without making sound, like Hannah in the Bible. Now he began shouting loudly and there was sound like a whole village full of blacksmiths beating on their anvils in rhythme.
I decided it was time to leave the house because I did not know when he would be able to get through the window and come after me. I went quickly to the door, but again had no idea how to open it and this one was too strong to break. Beside the door there was a small plate with strange etchings. I thought that this might be a button which, if pressed, would open the door, just like in the tunnel at the castle of Doomeria. I pressed the button, but it would not move. I pressed harder and harder. Finally there was a crack and from the tip of my iron clad finger all the way into the farthest parts of my body I felt a terrible and fierce, pulsing pain. I finally managed to jerk my hand away.
At this point I was so terrified and shaken because of the man in the window and the door which I could not exit that I decided I had to run. I ran into a hall and turned into another room. My wet wool clothes were chaifing terribly and I really wanted to get outside. It was then that a box on the table in the room in which I stood began to blast loud words of some strange tongue and I realized that this box had an eerie and devilish glow on its side. This was more than I could take.
I lost all courage and bravery. Who was I, a simple knight with a sword, to compete with sorcery. I simply threw myself out of the window. As I passed through the opening I crashed through the invisible wall of that terrible world and the next thing I knew is that I lay panting under a rock beside my hoof-pick.
This is my story, this is the end of my tale. If I have been a coward, I give up my knighthood and will serve God as a lowly servant of monks, kissing the ground wherever I go. But I beg you consider, have you ever heard of a house so full of such terrible and evil spells and magic. I warn you to be cautious in your accusations of cowardess. Would you be willing to pass through it?
Hints:
-He falls into the future, into the basement of a modern house
-The bars on the ceiling are pipes
-He bumps the weight set and knocks it on his foot
-The roaring lump and gleaming eye are the furnace and a copper pipe
-The man in the window is a TV and the object on the floor is the remote, he steps on the remote and unmutes it
-He puts his finger in a receptacle
-The glowing box is a clock radio that comes on automatically
-In medieval times they did not have clear glass in the windows
